How Peculiar
by Ochiba Konpeki
Summary: The strangest friendship to ever grace South Park. God help them all. Kyman. Ch. 2-Such a Cute Little Jew
1. Chapter 1

_Inspired by a visit to the Holocaust Museum in Houston. Let's Kyman it up!_

**This Isn't Cool**

"Now, kids." Mr. Mackey looked a little squeamish, glancing nervously into the 'optional' slots. "These images are very... Shocking. Be warned that you may not want to see them, mmkay?"

For a long moment, no one moved. Finally, Cartman, who had been more annoying than usual throughout the entire Holocaust museum tour, stepped forward, cocky grin in place. "I wanna see the filthy Jews get tortured!"

Every person in the room fixed slightly dead glares on him, except for Kyle. Face hidden by his long crimson curls, head bowed, he walked forward to stand next to the brunette. They waited a moment to see if anyone else would step forward. Wendy lurched as though she might but quickly retook her previous position, hiding ever-so-slightly behind her boyfriend, Token.

The pair didn't glance at each other at all as they started forward, looking over into the hidden sections, the plaques, the captions. The first one was a picture of a couple little boys in a faded black and white photograph. "Castrated." Kyle mumbled disbelievingly as he read. "I've seen the picture before, but the shadows..."

Kyle's voice was dead. Eric's was full of false cheer. "And which commendable Nazi did that?"

"Josef Mengele, The Angel of Death."

Eric didn't reply, absorbed in what he was reading, though a faint voice in the back of his head was telling him he was being watched by his classmates. As Kyle moved farther down, he took up his previous position, feeling sick to his stomach at the horrible things he was reading. But the Holocaust was cool, right? Hitler was awesome... Right? _Right._

There was a drop of water on the plaque. Eric stared at it a moment, but ultimately ignored it, moving on behind Kyle. They were still being watched. More water. Where was it coming from?

Finally, Kyle hit the end of the row. He sucked in a painful-sounding breath, letting it go on a harsh sob. Instantly, the confident, collected young man was replaced with a broken child, shoulders shaking, rubbing his eyes frantically. He couldn't muffle or ease his sobbing. Stan stepped forward, hand out-stretched, but Kenny caught him and pulled him back, both watching blankly as Eric stepped behind the Jew, peering over the top of his head with ease.

He froze, sucking in a breath as well. There was a TV screen under a layer of glass, displaying images that surely could not be anything other than the product of Hollywood Hell. Bodies-hundreds, thousands of naked bodies, being bulldozed into mass graves. They were sickly and skeletal, shaved and robbed, men, women and children. His brain could hardly comprehend it as he realized just how many eleven million was.

Kyle spun around, tilting his head back to reveal a tear-stained, heartbroken face. Seemingly unperturbed by the good foot Eric had on him, he shoved the other boy violently and screamed, "Is it still funny, you heartless asshole?"

Instantly, he was gone.

Silence quickly overtook the room. Mr. Mackey looked as though he wasn't sure where he was most needed, glancing furtively from the direction Kyle ran in to the class to the silent brunette standing so very still.

Finally, Eric spun around, looking at the class as though he had every fiber if their attention, like they were waiting for him. As a matter of fact, they were. His face was pale and his fingers were trembling. Shoulders slumped. Defeated. He shoved off the display and started off in the direction the redhead had taken off in, announcing in a dead voice, "This isn't cool anymore."

OoO

He found the Jew outside the building, crumpled against the wall and still sobbing hysterically. He paused momentarily to stare at the pitiful ball of crying Jew, foreign guilt boiling in his stomach. It wasn't a pleasant sensation. Eric was by no means used to feeling guilty.

Silently, he sat in front of the ginger, reaching out hesitantly to pat him on the knee. Kyle raised his head slowly, the expression on his tear-stained face flickering between confusion and angry disbelief. The brunette just looked awkward.

"I was wrong..." he ventured. Kyle shook his head, hiccuping a little as a slightly sad smile upturned his lips. He could count on one hand how many times Eric T. Cartman had admitted he was wrong. "And I'm sorry." he finished just as awkwardly.

Kyle blinked owlishly at him, having not expected any sort of an apology. The ex-neo-nazi kept his eyes fixated on the ground as he reached back behind his neck, large fingers stumbling a little with the delicate silver clasp. It only took a moment or two more before he set his old, worn swastika on the gravelly sidewalk in front of the still quietly crying Jew's feet, as though he were making an offering.

Kyle gently shoved it closer to the other, wordlessly urging him to put it back on. Scowling, Eric shook his head, sliding it back over to his long time rival. Stubbornly, Kyle reached back and nimbly removed his just as old and worn golden Star of David, placing it next to the silver swastika. They glared heatedly at each other for several long moments, until Eric finally burst out with, "Shut up woman, and get back in the kitchen!" and Kyle automatically responded by snapping, "Bitch, Imma bus!"

They glared for several moments more, before Eric scoffed and snatched up the Star of David, fastening around his neck. Kyle met his challenging stare with confused green orbs silently asking if he'd finally gone insane. The brunette rolled his eyes in irritation, snatching up the swastika and leaning forward to reach around the absolutely terrified Jew's fragile neck, latching the Nazi symbol there and pulling back with a nod if satisfaction.

Slowly, Kyle reached up to cup the charm, an awed expression gracing his young face. He smiled shyly at his rival, receiving an unimpressed expression for his efforts. The larger teen got to his feet and offered a hand down to the ginger.

Kyle stared at it in shock, absently thinking that Eric was just full of surprises today. Hesitantly, he took the offered help, letting him pull him to his feet.

And so began the strangest friendship to ever grace South Park.

God help them all.

OoO

_So, I feel kinda childish asking this, but Imma ask anyway._

_Will South Park Fandom die with South Park?_

_O.o_

_That looks weird in italics._

_Anyway, this might turn into a series of drabbles (I have no idea if I'm using that word right) because Kyman is cannon and I love it, even if Kyman Fanfiction is generally depressing._

**_QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS? REVIEW!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_Enjoy the preslash._

**Such a Cute Little Jew**

Finally, Kyle threw his pencil down on the table in front of him, fisting his hands in his unruly red locks as he groaned in frustration, "I don't understand what you aren't getting, you-" A string of poorly-pronounced German followed his exclamation, much to a certain Eric T. Cartman (seventh-grader, newly-ex-anti-semitist, hater-of-hyphens)'s delight. Really, Kyle's attempts at German were adorable. Not that he would ever verbalize that thought, heavens no.

"Let's start from the beginning." Eric pleaded both Kyle and the classroom with his best look-at-me-aren't-I-just-nifty-you-should-do-as-I-say voice, absently glaring at their _thoroughly_ amused science teacher, the bastard who originally told Kyle to explain genetics to the bumbling idiots who populate this goddamn hick school. Sometimes it seems like the only ones with any brains are the original South Park Elementary kids, and there are only five in the class-the Infamous Quartet and Craig, and fuck if Eric _cared._

He just didn't like it when Kyle got mad at things that _weren't _him.

Kyle nodded slowly at his new friend-thing, the metal of the swastika around his delicate neck suddenly feeling heavy. The enraged Jew's infuriated flush faded slowly and he took several deep breaths. "Okay."

"Let's go over the vocab." he suggested, addressing the entire class. A disgruntled murmur went up, but it was more or less affirmative.

Kyle dragged a hand over his face. "Shouldn't you know this from last year? Never mind, Mr. Garrison was teaching, wasn't he? Ferdamnt! Why do I even _bother_?" In truth, Kyle thought genetics was a fascinating subject. Eric was more amused by his further butchering of the German language. "Whatever. Who here knows what an allele is?"

Blank stares. "An allele," Kyle started expectantly, in full teacher-mode, "Is an alternate form of the same gene." Once again he was met with blank stares. Eric his an amused smile at the despondent expression that overtook his Jew's face. _"I don't know how to fucking teach!" _he hissed under his breath, probably unheard by everyone other than Eric, who was giving his new friend-thing every bit of his attention, and maybe Stan, who was honestly trying -and failing miserably- to listen.

"Kenny and Bebe would have blond-haired, blue-eyed babies!" he burst instead, gaining the bewildered attention of everyone in the room. Kyle offered them a lop-sided grin, marching towards the archaic black board and picking up a piece of chalk. He quickly drew a box with four smaller boxes inside it. Off to the side, he scribbled down BB Bb bb, then drew an arrow to the three options and labeled them Alleles.

"Let's pretend for a second," he pleaded the confused but listening children, "That there are only two hair colors-brunette and blond. If that were the case, you would have three possibilities on your genetic code for the color of your hair-BB, Bb and bb."

He moved back to a blank space and wrote down Pure Bred=Homozygous and Hybrid=Heterozygous, then off to the side, Dominant Gene and Recessive Gene.

The class watched bemusedly as the little redhead went off, explaining everything and taking up both of the chalk board and the dry erase board with notes, observations, tricks, hints, and tips, definitions, a short biography on Gregor Mendel, and a _lot_of Punnet Squares. Every kid in the room -other than Craig, who fell asleep, and Eric, who was content to just watch his Jew get excited- had very thorough notes and could tell you the difference between a phenotype and a genotype and the process of Meiosis, how incomplete and co-dominance works, the complete history of an Austrian monk and the causes and precautions against mutation.

They could also tell you that Kyle I. Broflovski is certifiably insane.

The longer he went on, the brighter his eyes got, the more dramatic his gestures became, the faster and more excited his speech became, the more big words he used, the more he bounced. Yes, by the time he finished covering the material, he was positively bouncing, bubbly as can be and a giggling mess.

Unfortunately, when Kyle ran out of material before he ran out of time, he stared silently at the boards crammed with knowledge for several long seconds, then turned back to the class and started explaining the consequences of genetic mutations resulting in the genetic code XXY or XYY, then on to speculations on the possibilities of a fully-functional, fertile hermaphrodite ("I'm pretty sure it's impossible." he assured us, ecstatic that everyone was still listening... Or watching him be cute and funny.) and then soon Kyle was so far into his little monologue that not even the teacher was quite sure what he was talking about. For a few minutes, he even seemed to be relating information about a sea slug that stole genetic material from algae and could photosynthesize and what that could mean for solving world hunger.

To be frank, the entire show was the most thoroughly adorable, yet simultaneously informative hour and a half of Eric Cartman's young life.

Kyle glanced at the clock, euphoria making it hard to tell the time correctly. Realizing he only had a minute or so left, he stepped forward, grinning maniacally, and slammed his palms down on the desk of the poor unsuspecting girl who happened to sit front and center, leaning towards the class to demand, with all the enthusiasm of a kid in a candy shop and all the insanity of everyone else in South Park put together, "Isn't it _fascinating_?"

At that moment, the bell rang, shrill and loud and sudden enough to make Kyle jump almost a foot in the air. Instantly, everyone was gone, except for the teacher, who was staring at Kyle like he was an asylum patient, and Eric, who was taking his sweet time packing up.

Kyle looked positively deflated. Slowly, he took a seat on the desk he had slammed earlier, pouting slightly and staring dejectedly at his knees, knowing that his little outburst would ruin all his chances at new friends. His shoulders slumped. Why was he the only of their foursome incapable of making other friends?

Leisurely, Eric slung his backpack over his shoulder and sauntered confidently up to his favorite Jersey Ginger Jew, arrogant yet somehow kind in a way only he could pull off smirk in place. It took Kyle a mildly depressing amount of time to notice that he wasn't the only one who didn't leave out for lunch and that, yes, as a matter of fact, there _was_ a stubborn ex-neo-Nazi standing a half a foot in front of him.

"Hey Cartman." he murmured after digesting his initial surprise. He still couldn't bring himself to say Eric. The brunette shook his head in slight disappointment. "Hey Kahl."

The silence stretched. Desperately, Eric tried to think of what a friend -a real friend, the kind that could unmaliciously pick on your insecurities, the kind of friend that wore those stupid friendship bracelets and texted each other in class- would do in this situation. Not that they did any if that gay shit, of course not.

'_Actually,'_ a little voice in the back of his head reminded him, or maybe it was the shift of wrought gold against his chest, _'You kinda _do_ wear friendship necklaces.'_

Inspired by the physical sign that he was willing to make sacrifices for the sake of his eccentric Jew, he asked hesitantly, "So... Do you think you could explain genetic mutation again? I don't think I really got it, Jewfag."

Like someone pressed play on a magic Jew Remote that he _desperately wanted to own_, Kyle was instantly reanimated, elatedly explaining both the basics and the complexities of the subject to the teenager who was watching more than listening, thinking absently,_ Such a cute little Jew!_

OoO

_Sooo? I had so much fun writing this! I love genetics, if you can't tell, and yes, I actually did that earlier this year._

_This chapter's question! **What is your favorite sub-genre of science?**_

_Thank you muchly._

_QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS? REVIEW!_


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